Dear Janine,

Whenever I try to have deep, meaningful conversations with family I’m shut down and just come away feeling this lack of connection. Why do you think this is happening and what can I do?

Regards, Dissappointed

Dear Dissappointed

What an interesting question and a situation I think so many of us have experienced in our lives.  What I’m about to say might be viewed a bit controversial, but I’m going to say it anyway.

 You’re putting too much value on DNA.

 I know society loves to sell us the ‘happy and content’ family, but in reality it’s usually far from it. Just because we share DNA with someone, doesn’t automatically mean that we have the same values, morals or aspirations. You’ve heard the saying ‘You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends’ and this is key.

 Surround yourself with people who light you up, who can hold space for you and can connect on that deeper level you desire.

 I consider it like this: some people will only have bronze level access to me, meaning we have fairly mundane, superficial conversations as we’re just not aligned for anything deeper. A select few though have platinum level access and we have amazing connection with deep, life-changing conversations and experiences.  They are ‘my people’ regardless of us not sharing DNA and quite often having completely different backgrounds and life experiences. They just get me and are allowed into my sacred space.

Putting those expectations on people just because they’re family is  actually unfair as they might simply just never be able to meet your expectations and that is absolutely fine.  Choose your platinum level members with care and enjoy those soulful connections without judgement to those who will forever be happy with just bronze.   Your ‘soul sisters’ are definitely out there, so make the effort to cultivate those relationships and nourish your soul with all the goodness they’ll bring into your experience.