Dear Janine,
I’m a coach and want to improve my visibility online so that I can reach my ideal clients and build my customer base. I know exactly what I want to say, but then chicken out and can’t seem to bring myself to push the start button. I often talk myself out of activities with thoughts like ‘Nobody cares about what I have to say.’ or ‘Who am I to tell other people how to manage their lives and businesses.’ Why do you think this happening to me and what can I do to stop this self-sabotaging behaviour?
Regards, ‘Unable to Launch.’
Dear ‘Unable to Launch’
What you’re describing is actually very common for many online entrepreneurs. In my experience, the cause of this is usually a combination of mindset, childhood conditioning and negative subconscious beliefs. Many women suffer from Imposter Syndrome and negative beliefs that they aren’t ‘good enough’ or what they really want, simply isn’t available to them and start comparing themselves to others and feel inadequate or different. The easiest way to start improving, this is to take an honest look at your mindset.
Ask yourself “Why do I believe that nobody is interested in what I have to say or offer?” Explore this by journalling on everything that comes to mind as this will help you identify any underlining fears for e.g. fear of rejection, or perhaps a fear of success. Then go even further and ask yourself ‘ Why do I fear rejection?’ ‘What does this remind me of and what is the worst that could happen?’ This might make you aware of past, negative experiences that you’re subconsciously trying to avoid repeating as well as beliefs that need reframing.
Very often, negative past experiences will affect our decision making process and determine our future actions. I’ll use a real life example from one of my clients. Using regression hypnosis, we were able to explore the following events: As a child she really wanted to participate in a school theatre project. She was so pleased to be cast, learnt her lines and practised her role for weeks on end. Unfortunately, on opening night the hall wasn’t empty like at rehearsals. Suddenly looking out at the sea of faces, she experienced acute stage fright and her mind shut down, making her forget her lines. She was scared and embarrassed and ran off the stage in tears, feeling like a failure.
Now you can imagine that for an 11 year old, this was really traumatic. Her classmates teased her relentlessly and she never returned to acting. Fast forward to age 17 and attending a karaoke themed birthday party. Caught up in the moment and seeing how much fun everyone was having, she bravely stepped onto the makeshift stage, only to have a flashback to her mortifying acting experience and you guessed it, once again she couldn’t pull it off. Her subconscious mind in trying to protect her, reinforced the negative beliefs that being ‘visible’ isn’t safe, that she’ll never be able to perform in public in any capacity and that she should just avoid anything like that in future to prevent the embarrassment and feelings of shame and failure. In hypnosis we were able to identify the feelings that her subconscious had attached to these events, process them and reframe those beliefs to what is really true:
- her self-worth is non-negotiable regardless of what she does, or doesn’t do.
- she is a highly qualified professional who has transformed the lives of many clients.
- she actually loves helping people and showing up is the highest form of service.
After the therapy part, I started coaching her on the practicalities of doing live video and here are some tips you too can implement;
- Start small. You can begin with short 2 minute videos and slowly increase the time as you get more comfortable.
- Wear something that you feel comfortable and confident in. Worrying about a wardrobe malfunction isn’t helpful and tugging at clothing will make you feel self conscious and distract your audience from your message.
- Make notes beforehand so your message is clear and concise.
- Have your intention to serve in the forefront of your mind. When your calling to serve outweighs your fear, showing up becomes a whole lot easier.
- Practice self compassion. NOBODY is perfect and your clients aren’t looking for a robot that never makes a mistake. You showing up authentically, and really wanting to help your audience, will be visible in your energy and that is who people want to work with.
- Be honest. Telling your audience that it’s your first time and you’re really nervous is perfectly fine. A lot of people will respect you for being vulnerable and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone.
