Dear Janine,
So I have a wonderful mom-in-law, but it drives me absolutely BONKERS that she’s perpetually late, I mean always! She’s left me waiting at restaurants (once for 45 minutes even though she chose the day and time), and even arrives late if we planned something weeks in advance. I’ve felt everything from outright rage to desperation. I started telling her half-an-hour earlier, but she caught onto that and went back to her tardy ways. Please help as it’s starting to affect my relationship with her
Many thanks, Rochelle.
Dear Rochelle
I had to laugh when I read your email because I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard or read mother-in-law and bonkers in the same sentence. Jokes aside though, I hear you as this is one of my pet peeves as well as it just feels so disrespectful. Obviously, life can be unpredictable, and someone can get stuck in traffic etc. but they should then have the courtesy to let you know as this should be the exception and not the norm.
People often think that money is our most valuable resource, but I can’t entirely agree. Money can be earned, inherited, stolen or even won, but TIME- once spent is gone forever… If asking her on purpose to turn up 30 minutes earlier hasn’t worked, I’m afraid the only solution is going to be an honest conversation using the ‘sandwich’ technique of positive-negative-positive statements, try to avoid ‘always’ and ‘never’ as it triggers most people and we want this to be a calm conversation.
Speak to her in private to not embarrass her (never a good idea) and say something along the lines of ‘I really enjoy spending time with you (positive), however, it hurts my feelings that you’re often late / often keep me waiting (negative) and if I carve out an hour for us to have lunch or tea and you’re half-an-hour late, I only get to spend half the time with you and it feels stressed and rushed to me. Could you please help me with this as I want to enjoy our time together (positive).
Give her a chance then to change her behaviour and praise her when she is on time, as this will re-enforce to her how much you appreciate it.
If she, however, ignores your request and continues to show up late, you’re going to have to enforce your boundaries by behaving like you’re on the clock.
As with most appointments like a doctor, hairdresser or massage, if the client is 20 minutes late, their appointment time gets adjusted accordingly. My clients know if we have an hour for a call and they show up late, they forfeit that time as I can’t be late for everyone else that is scheduled that day.
At least that way your entire schedule won’t get disrupted, and she’ll soon enough realise that your time is precious and can decide for herself if she wants to continue that behaviour.
Enforcing our boundaries can feel tricky, especially with family members so if you feel like you would like to work on this, I warmly invite you to join my FREE Masterclass ‘Badass Boundaries‘ on Friday the 17th of July 2020, simply register to reserve your spot.
I hope this helps.
Good article! We are linking to this particularly great article on our site. Keep up the good writing. Darda Kilian Kostival
I wish I had a dime for every bad article I ave read lately. I also wish other writers had your talent and style. Thank you. Giralda Anatole Cordle
But wanna remark that you have a very nice internet site , I enjoy the style and design it actually stands out. Kass Rodrigo Belanger
Excellent post! We are linking to this particularly great post on our website. Keep up the great writing. Leena Hilarius Whatley
Hi, constantly i used to check webpage posts here in the early hours in the morning, because i love to learn more and more. Francisca Iosep Zima
But wanna tell that this is very useful , Thanks for taking your time to write this. Luciana Dunstan Hoebart
I am not real wonderful with English but I find this really leisurely to read . Clementia Pepito Susannah
I cannot thank you enough for the article post. Much thanks again. Really Cool. Carmina Hillyer Saloma
I have been checking out many of your posts and i must say pretty clever stuff. I will definitely bookmark your blog. Tamqrah Creighton Sharla
Thanks to my father who informed me concerning this website, this website is truly amazing.| Loralie Johann Gunas
I am constantly searching online for articles that can facilitate me. Thank you! Krystal Lorne Bessie
Hi there. I discovered your site by the use of Google whilst searching for a related subject, your site came up. It appears great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then. Bess Rolf Knowles
This post is invaluable. Where can I find out more? Jorry Hobard Rabelais
Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this post and the rest of the website is really good. Vina Goran Sarid
Howdy! This article could not be written much better! Looking through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I most certainly will send this information to him. Fairly certain he will have a great read. Many thanks for sharing! Brook Benito Machute
If some one needs expert view on the topic of running a blog after that i advise him/her to visit this blog, Keep up the fastidious job.| Allianora Lorrie Kristofor
Just desire to say your article is as astounding.
The clearness in your post is simply cool and i can assume you are an expert
on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep up
to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the gratifying work.